Monday, July 31, 2017

[Journal] July is (Almost) Over

So, July is almost over and I haven't post anything is this month. I don't know whether I'm still coping for all the depressing thought and the sadness around this month or no. But usually, I was entering an autopilot mode around the time, for this past year.

I called it summer hibernation.

Instead of sleeping and being zombie like it used to, I was busy working on the whole month this year​. So so busy that I always got very exhausted at the weekend, forced to have some rest because I cannot wake up to do some activities. Well, due to my backpain too, actually.

I used to say hello to July, and asked her to be nice to me. This year, she was quite nice. I don't get much memories this month. I might shut my brain out of making some new memories since I everything went blur. Then suddenly, July is almost over.

I don't even remember that my dad left 3 years​ ago on July 19th. Just 3 days after my birthday. And I just remember (while I wrote this) that I was celebrating discount of my life this month. Not that I don't remember my own birthday, but I just trying to forget it for almost the whole time and secretly wish I could pass it in silence with no one remember the day. Thank you for all the wishes, guys.

But it was a vain hope. Kind of.

Well, at least no one coming to me or making a surprise whatsoever. So I got (half of) my wish eventually. And how I spent the day? Sleeping the whole day. To tired to move from my bed.

Chester Bennington from Linkin Park passed away this month. I was sad. Because his song saved me and help me through my bad days. They said he was suicide, and after that, alot of media are wrote about suicide news. And I felt that more depressed people out there are making their statement, and then more suicide news to be told. I don't like it.

The society is sick already. And we denied it.

It was devastating, you know. To hear all the kind of negativite news. I'm trying not to retweet or posting anything related to suicide, because you'll never know who'll got triggered by the news. You might save a life.

And I want to say goodbye to Aldo. Got the news from Kay that he's got heart attack. Follow the light and hopefully you'll go home and happy up there. Be good up there, Kid.

Maybe that's why I was dreaming about my sister few days ago. Cannot remember what's the dream about, as usual. But it might because I was still sad inside so she came to see me in my dream.

Damn! I really need my Bach flowers remedies. I need it alot I might could save some lifes.

I passed July. Not only that, I survived it! I was so grateful for everything I have and I got. I feel grateful I'm alive and being human. Happy that I survived it. Thank you, July. Thank you for all the rizki I got and all the things I learned this month.

Hello, August. Please give me alot of money and things been in my wish list. My set of Bach Flowers remedies especially.

*Might add some notes later

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