[Journal] The Journey To Love Myself, Part 1

There are some times that I wish I were someone else. Someone else richer, prettier, slimmer, smarter, braver, and everything i think I am not; or maybe still me but the better version of me. I don't know why i think about all that. Maybe because i am not satisfied with myself and my life. Maybe because I am not happy with myself and my life. Maybe because I hate myself and everything. Maybe because of all that, and some other things, too. I don't know..

I often daydreaming about if only. Most of the time is about if only i were rich, like Richie Rich rich. I could buy anything money could buy in the world. I might sad, just like now, but I can travel and go other places with the hope that it could help me heal myself.

But I was also think about hapiness. If I were rich, would I be happier than now? Maybe. Maybe not.

I was envy of alot of things. Thank goodness i could control it not to change into jealousy.

I always ask myself why am i sad. because i always sad. not the appereance, tho. I could sometimes easily happy with small things. but those deep down inside i am sad kind of feeling.

I feel like I'm babbling. I feel my head was too crowded, too chaotic. I often writing nonsense. What i wrote at the title sometimes not related with the content. As a (sometimes) content writer i know that was not a good thing. but as a scatterbrain person, put the chaotic things in my head into a writing is a good thing. I might know what i have to do later on, sometimes.

It might makes senses later, it might. Maybe.

Just like now, actually. I want to write something. But when I'm already sit in front of my laptop, my brain freezed. Words seems cannot come out easily and buried under a thick fog, and then suddenly i was daydreaming and thinking about me being someone else smarter and more organized so i could write something good for my journal.

That was also when I'm thinking, why I always thinking about me being someone else. Am I really hate my life now? Am I (still) really hate myself?

Maybe I did.

I hate my current life, my current situation, and my current relationship with my ownself. Everything seems wrong.

The question is, with all this insecurities, what should I do to make it right?